Everyone wants to belong, and belonging does not come only through DNA.
Recently, I heard someone say something in a public setting that cast a negative light on adoption. It wasn’t intentional, just thoughtless. This person said that they were afraid that people would think their children were adopted because they didn’t resemble them in certain ways. This person then said that no, they weren’t adopted, they belonged to him. That statement got me to thinking and I just want to say a few words about this topic.
Being adopted does not mean that you are second class. It does not mean that you do not belong, that you are not wanted. It doesn’t even mean that you were plan B for building a family. Some adoptive parents adopt because they have a heart for adoption, not necessarily because they are unable to bear children. And it most definitely doesn’t mean that you were not wanted by your birth family. Most birth parents choose to make an adoption plan because of their sacrificial love for a child that they feel they are not ready to parent. They want a better life for that child than they can provide. That is called love and is the exact opposite of selfishness.
I want to provide a little education about what happens in the adoption process, particularly of the legal ramifications that happen in adoption.
When we adopted Reece, we went before a judge and pledged under oath that we were entering into a covenant relationship with him. It is for life. We promised before God and our judicial system that we would not only provide for our son’s needs, love and protect him, but that he would be our legal heir just as if he shared our DNA. This is all in a legal document.
So, what do you think? Does he belong to us? Yes and no. Yes, in the sense that he is our child. We are his parents. No question. No, in the sense that he truly belongs to God, as do all children, biological or adopted. God has a special plan for a little brown skinned, black-haired boy that looks nothing like his parents. Do I feel funny that he doesn’t look like us? Absolutely not! There have never been prouder parents anywhere! We are so honored that God placed him in our home!
A lot of adoptees struggle with their identity, feeling a rejection that most of us will never understand. Though not an adoptee myself, I have watched my son go through periods of grieving that I can’t fix. Most of the time, he is a happy and well-adjusted little boy. But he has moments of questioning and grieving the lost relationship with his birth family. We love him through those times but it’s a different kind of parenting. It’s hard but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My desire would be to raise awareness so that comments made in ignorance don’t add to the burden he already bears.
Those of us who are in Christ have been adopted. We are grafted into the family tree of Christ! We don’t all look alike, but that’s okay since we bear HIS image! We are joint heirs with Christ! God has our names written on His hands. We are in a covenant relationship with the King of Kings! We belong. And I’m eternally grateful!
Reece Rundell, if you read this someday, you belong! You belong to mommy and daddy, but more importantly, you belong to God Almighty! You are chosen, not forsaken. You are a beloved child of God. He is for you! He has a special plan for you! We are so honored that God allowed us to be your parents! We will love you forever!