There are so many things going through my mind right now, and yet I struggle to put them into something readable. However, the creative muse has struck and will not be denied. You may wonder about the strange title of this blog post. Let me explain. There has been a recent development of new babies and newly announced pregnancies at our church. Lest you think this post is just sour grapes, let me set your mind at ease. I love babies, and I love the people that are pregnant. It’s the comments that hurt. You know the ones. “Don’t drink the water at our church!” or “I’m staying away from your church.” While I know these things are said in jest, it still hurts. If it was really “in the water” I would not only have drunk it, but I would have bathed in it by now. And that’s saying something. The water at our church tastes horrible and smells like rotten eggs. No thanks! And yes, I know the intention of all the people joking about it is not to cause me hurt. They just don’t know. I have attended our church for over five years now, and I can tell you, it’s not in the water.
This is not me being mean. This is me being vulnerable. I know that I’m not the only one to have suffered from the comments of others. Therefore, if I can cause you to think about what you’re saying, maybe someone else will benefit from it in the future. I’ve actually had people say to me “Getting pregnant is not that hard. Just read some books about it.” Yes, you really did just read that. I’ve heard people plan out their next pregnancy in great detail saying, “it only takes us one try so I have to get this timed just right.” Or one of my favorites, “Be glad you don’t have to go through pregnancy. You’re getting your baby the easy way.” And all the while, my heart hurts a little more. Most of you have no idea what we have been through trying to have children. And that’s okay, you don’t need to know everything. I’m just saying that I sure wish it was as easy as some of you seem to think. And by the way, there is nothing easy about adoption. Just sayin’.
In my work as a nurse, I see a lot. Every week, I watch precious babies go home to families that are broken. Sometimes I see them go straight into foster care from the hospital. I see them as they withdraw from the substances their mothers ingested. And it hurts my heart. These innocent little ones are going through hell through no fault of their own. And there’s nothing that I can do to stop the pain. However, it does give me a chance to pray for these little souls that have such a rough start in life. And maybe that’s why I’m allowed to see so much pain. I hope that God is using those prayers to help those little ones.
So if it’s not in the water, where is it? It’s in God’s gift to you, His blessing on your life. Please don’t take it for granted. I’m not saying that we’re not blessed by God. We are! We have one of the best marriages that I know of anywhere. We are in love, and happy. God has blessed us in many ways. But for now, our prayers for children remain unanswered. Sometimes God allows a season of pain into our lives. We don’t understand why, but we hold on to Him. We pray that somehow He will receive glory for what He is doing in us. And when that little one does come to us, you can be sure that we will not take that blessing for granted.
Well said! I know some of those hurts firsthand and it is definitely not easy! Praying that God will give you the desire of your heart.
It is so sad and yet so true that our thoughtless, careless or clueless words have great effect on the lives of others. I pray that I will have more compassion and thought before opening my mouth. We all have burdens to bear and should be quick to remember to bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Thanks for sharing your heart. I pray that soon your prayers will be answered and a sweet little one will fill your aching arms.
Well written and stated. I too would have taken a bath in that water 🙂 prayers for you both and wishes that Jesus gives you the desires of your heart!!
Been there and can definitely relate. In some of my deepest hurts, I’ve reached out to God and sensed His presence so precious. People are so clueless when it comes to an infertile couple. They don’t mean to hurt, but each negative comment goes deep. I never thought I would thank the Lord for my “thorn”, but that is what has given me an intimacy with Him and a trust I never would have had otherwise. I would never ask to go through the hurt and pain again, but those are lessons which I thank and praise God for. May you receive balm for your hurt, and the oil of joy for your mourning. Don’t forget, after the night comes the day! Blessings on thee!
Very well written Cindy! Love you both so much and pray for you as you are on this journey.
I can relate a bit as for years I had to deal with the “why aren’t you dating or married” mantra, when I do badly wanted to marry and have kids…… I feel so much for you and know you guys would make great parents. To be blunt, as I am too often: people need to mind their own business. Bugging childless couples, singles who are not dating, or any other similar situations can hurt people even if that is not the intention. It isn’t anyone’s business when people have kids – although if they are treating an animal like a kid and referring to themselves as “mommy” or “daddy”, they need to find a way to have a kid! – nor is it anyone’s business why someone isn’t dating or married. Sticking our noses in those situations can cause hurt if there are reasons those things aren’t happening. We all could be a little more sensitive towards others, especially in these situations.
Love you guys, and I am hoping and praying the adoption thing works out for you. You will make great parents.
Cindy, my heart bleeds with yours. I was in your shoes for a few years with Dr. visits, fertility meds, surgery, and early adoption proceedings before God allowed us a baby girl. Sometimes since then I’ve wondered if God knew what he was doing ~~ not allowing us to have children for awhile, when I’ve struggled with how our parenting may have led to our son making some of the decisions he has. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a Mother……. Only God knows. May He be close beside you and answer the cry of your heart. Love you!
Connie
Thank you for being vulnerable to share your heart. Mine bleeds with you and I pray that God will fill both of your hearts with His presence and a lovely child in whichever method He thinks is best. Keep trusting in His goodness and kindness toward you.
Excellent article. It is also extremely difficult as a single woman to hear people say that divorced women deserve to find another mate. Does that mean there is something wrong with me? God has His own reasons and plans for my life and for your family. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your feeling and pain. I have walked in those shoes and they are painful. We had to wait 10 long hard years for our son. I want you to know the pain and the wait was very hard but God needed to prepare our hearts to love someone else’s child as our own. When I saw that beautiful little 4 day old face for the first time I felt all the pain and tears were suddenly a very small thing to suffer for Christ. I have been able to help other with the same problem. God has a plan and a purpose in all this pain, hurt,disappointment, tears and yes grief. Keep your faith in God, be faithful like Hannah. I will pray for you. When I could no longer grasp hold of God someone else reached out to God for me. Hold on there is a miracle in the making for you.